Starting to date after a relationship has ended can be daunting for anyone, but if you add children to the equation, things become a whole lot more complicated. You might wonder whether to introduce your date to your kids, and your children might wonder if you are trying to replace their father. The following dating tips for single moms should give you some ideas on dealing with these tricky situations.
1. Having kids is not an excuse not to date. Being scared of getting back into the dating game is only human, and you might feel that you are being a good parent by putting your children first, but nobody loves a martyr. Your kids will benefit more from a happy mom, who finds a loving and supportive new partner, than one who is miserable and lonely.
2. Be proud to be a single mom. There is no point trying to hide the fact that you have children from a prospective date, and if your relationship is going to work they will have to get to know your kids as well as you. If your single mom status scares them, the relationship was doomed from the start. Men are naturally attracted to fertile women and subconsciously look for signs such as long hair or large breasts. The fact that you already have kids is a glaring clue that you could provide them with children in the future.
3. I know I just told you to be proud to be a mom, and you should be, but you do want to have something to talk to your date about other than your kids. Limit yourself to five minutes conversation about your children, and then turn to more grown up subjects. Your date will want to get to know the real you, and not just the mom in you.
4. Wait until you feel your relationship is likely to be long term before you introduce your partner to your kids. If they get emotionally attached to a guy, only for you to break up with him, they will feel hurt and confused. On the other hand, don't wait until he is about to move in before they meet. Your child needs to feel you trust them enough to keep them informed about your love life.
5. Make sure your children always come first. Your kids should always be your first priority as they depend on you in a way that no partner ever will. An understanding partner will realize that you have enough love and affection for both them and your children. A partner who is jealous of the time you spend with your kids is a partner to get rid of.
6. Expect your children to kick up a fuss, no matter how much effort your partner makes, and how great he is with them. The fact that you have a new partner can be a really big deal for your child, especially if they are quite young. They may be worried you won't have time for them, and that things will change dramatically. Try to keep some family time and be prepared for resistance while your new partner gains their trust.
7. That said, you should always listen to what your child is saying about your new partner. They may just be resentful, but if they are saying he makes them uncomfortable, or shouts at them, you may want to take a closer look at his behavior and your relationship. You can't expect your new partner to be a parent right away, but they shouldn't make your children feel ill at ease.
8. Don't be tempted to use your new partner against your ex. Your child will no doubt let your ex know that you are dating again, and that is fine, you should never ask them to keep it a secret as they will get the idea that you are doing something wrong. If you feel the need to parade your partner in front of your ex to show you are over them, the chances are you actually aren't.
You may foresee a whole load of problems with dating as a single mom, but none of these are insurmountable. Most children will just want their moms to be happy, and many men are more than happy to find a ready made family to join. If you find an understanding and supportive partner, your children will gain a valuable friend and role model. Moms tend to think they have to sacrifice everything to the needs of their kids, but you do need to focus on your own needs from time to time as well.
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